again…

…don’t lie to me.  It’s unnecessary.  Simply give me your truth as I give you mine- and allow me the opportunity to make the choice to stay and see how it goes, or walk away.  But don’t lie to me, because in so doing, you are making my choice for me.  You know that me staying is a complete waste of my good times, but you don’t want me to go, so you lie to me. It’s unnecessary.  I may walk away. For good.  Or, dealing with you may be the perfect situation for me right now.  Just tell me the truth and see. I may surprise you.  But, lying to me automatically seals the deal for me to make my exit.

via Daily Prompt: Minimal

via Daily Prompt: Minimal

…describes the effort being put in to stop the murder kidnapping abduction rape of our people, the wrongly-accused incorrect incarcerations trumped-up charges (no pun intended), lowering of the glass ceilings in corporate america, the crazy executive orders and bans, the profiling, the discrimination of every possible kind against our browns and blacks yes this is a run on sentence because this is a run-on on-going bullsh*t and the bullsh*t isn’t minimal but the effort being made (or not) by the justice system is. Minimal.

 

To my teen

I’m aggressive. I’m hard at times. I don’t listen to anything you say. I don’t hear you. I don’t understand.

The thing is I do.  all of it. I do. The thing is you don’t understand that I honestly wasn’t born a mom.  I went through all the years you’re going through.   I work hard and sacrifice a lot of my own self so as to give you a life of ease… I went to school in the hood. Period. I know what it’s like to have to go through metal detectors and get my book-bag searched every morning.  I know what it’s like to be in the halls, the class, the cafeteria, the city bus and watch a random fight break out.  I know what difficult school days are.  I know what it’s like to walk home CAREFULLY from school because these fools and the stolen cars were reckless and they killed a lot of kids (including themselves) with their reckless driving and they were a part of my afternoon walk…   I know how to live at one end of the block and stay on that end because literally a block over, the drug dealing was rampant and well-known. I know what it’s like to have the boys come at you because you’re different and you look different and act different.  I know what it’s like to have to say “man no! I’m not going home with you and hell no you can’t come over! I don’t want my momma/daddy to kill me!”  I know.  I know what it’s like to listen to the other girls tell their stories about who they’re doing and which chic is coming after their man….while I figure out how best to pass this  drafting class and electronics class. And get my work done for physics and chemistry classes because I know one or two of my friends are going to be looking to me for the answers the next day, so I was succeeding not only for myself, but for them also.  I know.  I also know what it’s like to keep up with my guidance counselor so I can choose the best college for me.  I knew how to make those appointments and stick with them without missing out on any important class assignments.  My parents didn’t go to college but they were hard-working and smart and the older siblings were already off to college so I figured it out.  I know.

So I work hard and make sure we live in a “better” neighborhood.  Rent would be a whole lot cheaper 20 minutes down the road, but I want you to feel safe, so I work hard, and choose other…. “mom, you just don’t get it. you don’t listen...” but I do.  Mom you don’t understand how hard these classes are. Oh but I do. been there.  Mom all my friends are coupled up with somebody or other.  I understand.  But what you don’t hear them tell you about is the pregnancy scares and how many different STD’s they’ve contracted on account of being “coupled up”

I hear everything you say and more.  I hear what you don’t say.  I hear what you feel.  I hear what you feel. Do you get that?  Without you saying a word, I hear you.  I know who you are.  I know who you have been. I see who you’ve become. I see you at your crossroads.  I hear what you feel.  My child who’s been an A student all the way up till high-school is tired.  I get that.  She feels pressured. I get that. The closer she gets to having to choose a college, the more she lets go of trying…She’s scared of going off…away.  I understand. I hear what you feel. I hear what you don’t say.

Allow me to help you choose your next path.  Remember this: you are a black woman.  No matter how pretty you are, you are a black woman.  In this political climate that we’re in, you will be seen as that. Black. Woman.  Double Jeopardy.  Create a life that will make them WANT to choose you. HAVE TO CHOOSE YOU.  The colleges. The jobs.  The applications don’t have your pretty face on them.  The applications have your name and your qualifications.  I chose your name carefully.  No one can look at your name and assume your race and culture.  Your name alone requires further review.  Now the qualifications attached to your name are totally up to you.  Choose your path -not as another black chic trying to make a living- but as a young woman who will do great and marvelous things.  Don’t allow the fear of success to cripple you.  Allow it to pique your curiosity to reach for more…greater.  Be the success you were meant to be.  In this political climate that we’re now in -that we’re facing- you can’t afford to be anything less than great.

I hear what you feel. You feel afraid.  It’s o.k.  I know. I promise I understand.  And I promise it will all be o.k. because no matter what, you’ll never have to go it alone.  I’m here. I love you. Forever.

That Moment when mom…

Gently grabs hold of your hand then places her other open palm on your chest and you crumble. Come apart. In that moment you are not “the girls’ mom” or the head of household or the one doing that project or in charge of the morning event or giving the speech or volunteering for… Or trying to figure out what the next volunteer event should be or going to the grocery store….no. In that moment you are her baby again. And you hear your dad inquiring off in the distance “what happened… Why is she crying…” and you know it concerns him because daddy always says “when you see this one crying, stop and check because this one isn’t a cryer” and you know he’s worried but you can’t stop to see about his concerns about you because you have fallen apart. Breathe. One of the strong towers of the family has crumbled. Breathe. Your head is on mom’s chest and you are sobbing. Hard. Like a child. Her child. Her baby. And her open palm is still resting in the middle of your chest and her other hand is now on your back. Embracing you. Holding you up. Being the strength you need. She is. And you hear her telling you “Its o.k. let it go.  rest it on my shoulders. whatever it is, it will pass.” And she prays ever so softly and you know what she’s saying is true. This will pass. But in this moment this is all here and happening and it’s all exhausting and you’re tired. Breathe. But you’re here falling apart, coming undone, crumbling and your toddler is at your leg calling you with great concern…”mom! Mom? Mawm?!” and now she’s helping you to cry because even she knows something is wrong “if this one is crying”. So she keeps calling “mawm?!” through her own tears. Until you reach down through your tears and comfort her by simply saying “its o.k baby” and by telling her this you’re also saying it to yourself as well because you’re resting on momma’s shoulders.   And you know its going to pass… Just like momma said. So you stand up straight and wipe your eyes and you pull yourself together. On the outside. Breathe. In this moment all this… happened and you know you’ll always look back at this moment as that moment when momma allowed you to just be.  Breathe.

how are you alone…

How are you in a room full, house full, 

                                  neighborhood

                                            town/city

                                                 state

                                                     country

                                                           world

full of people

      and feel lonely

             so lonely

that you somehow convince yourself that no one understands

that you are the only one who feels this way?

how do you lay next to him every night 

               and cry yourself to sleep without him ever knowing

                              ever hearing your sobs

                                    ever seeing your tears

                                          ever seeing you?

how do you work so hard to provide for her

       for every need you know she has

             for every wish she ever made

                   for every dream you deferred

                        just to make her happy

                                      and she looks right pass you

                                                  beyond you

                                                               over you

                                                                         to someone else?

how are you alone?

why are you alone?

why is this o.k?

Confession Session: Religion

Note: If you are religiously thin-skinned, this post is not for you.  Please bypass it and read one of my more conservative posts.  Thanks 🙂  If you are open-minded and ready for some controversy, welcome!

With that being said, I struggle with religion.  I was raised Christian -religiously.  Meaning, there were rules -so many rules- and regulations to be followed.  I didn’t get my ears pierced until I was eighteen and that got done when I went on vacation to visit my sister in another state.  No makeup, no jewelry -definitely no ankle bracelets because …you know…. the harlots wore those. No nail polish and if you did, it better not be red because…you know…that was the color the harlots wore.  You can’t go to the movie theatre, can’t go to the school dance, can’t go to parties because…you know…Christians are to separate themselves: “come ye from among them“.  If you marry, don’t divorce. If you divorce, don’t remarry. Cause if you do…that’s a sin.  If you’re unhappily married, pray it through, God will deliver you because “whom God  joined together, let not man put assunder”.  Well, what about those that God didn’t join together? you know, the ones who see all the signs of “Don’t do it!” and they do it anyway.  The ones who get every warning -divine and earthly- that this isn’t the one for you and you sign the marriage certificates anyway.  If God didn’t join them….why stay?!  Your mate is a drunk bastard who beats you? “hold on…Joy cometh in the morning” and let’s not forget “God never gives you more than you can bear“.   No. That’s garbage.  pack up and run. If you don’t have time to pack, just run.  I digress….  You grow up thinking that everything outside of your religious teachings was a sin.  That all other religions outside of your own wasn’t “complete”  for lack of a better word.  So you grow up Christian. Religiously.  And then you discover your love of research. and asking questions. and getting answers. Outside of the Bible?! :O oh no oh no oh no.  Why I can’t wear pants? “because the bible says a woman is not to wear men’s clothing.” Yeah, but I buy my clothes from the women’s store, not the men’s store or even the men section of the store, sooooo how is that a “man’s clothing”?  And who came up with that anyways cause back in the bible days EVERYBODY WORE DRESSES.  I digress… Why can’t I wear earrings or a wedding band (when I get married)?  Cause we shouldn’t adorn ourselves with jewelry.  Maaaaan please. a pair of earrings and a ring?  Yea, o.k.  You should see my jewelry armoire now.  I’m pretty sure I’m making up for what I wanted growing up… Why can’t I go to the movies or parties? “Because the bible says don’t conform, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds”  Yea, that nice Jesus of mine hung out with the thugs and thieves.  He liked them, and from what I see, he enjoyed a good party too: “we outta wine?! Man bring the water so I can change it so we can keep this party going!”  If I stick to hanging out with Christians, who am I going to influence and inspire to “find the light of Christ”?  Exhale.

Religion is exhausting and contradicting

Slavery:  as bad as slavery was, has been and will always be, the first mention of slavery that I’m aware of was in the bible.  The children of Israel were slaves to the Egyptians. Therefore, if it was allowed then, why wouldn’t it be allowed in this age?  So of course the slave owners reflected on this using the bible itself.  And you know those slave owners were some praying, God-fearing folks! [insert hard-eyerolling emoji here]

Also, Noah cursed Canaan, and Canaan is the offspring of Ham… and it is said that black people are descendants of Canaan and therefore they/we are cursed to be slaves to others…. Research has shown that this is false teaching and only used to justify racism.  Fast forward years later and we come to the history of slavery right here in America and so many other countries and islands all over the world.

Inter-racial dating:  back to the bible again.  Deuteronomy 7:1-6 tells the Israelites to destroy all the inhabitants of the Canaan land and not to intermarry with them because they would “turn your sons away from following Me, that they may serve other gods.”  Let’s take it back to the first point.  Slavery.  And if the slaves come from Canaan, it’s safe to assume that Canaan was black. IF the Canaanites were black and GOD said not to intermarry with them, then it must mean that INTERRACIAL dating/marriage must be wrong.  Again, this is all based on religious teaching.

Homosexuality: don’t panic.  Let me start off by saying I do not condone or condemn.  It’s not my place.  It is simply my place to love and honor you in the place in which you stand. The choices you make are your own.  The fact is that homosexuals suffer discrimination because the bible says it’s wrong.  O.k. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah -cities located in the southern region in the land of Canaan…I digress– is pointed out regularly.  Here’s the thing: at no point in that story did it say “God sent Abraham to set those two cities on fire.”  God set those cities on fire for his own reasons. He didn’t need help or permission from anyone.  So why do we as humans take it upon ourselves to “metaphorically” set people on fire?  Not only that, but it says that God set those two cities  on fire because “Then the Lord said, the outcry against Sodom is so great and their sin is so grievous that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me…” skip over to the next chapter and you find a whole slew of men wanting to be with the male visitors (angels) that Lot had in his house.  Those angels blinded those men “…Then they struck the men who were at the door of the house, young and old, with blindness so that they could not find the door.” (Genesis chapters 18 and 19).  So those men were blinded.  Those same angels could have killed them just as easily. But they simply blinded them.  Again, read it for yourselves.  The bible never said God set the two cities on fire because everybody was homosexual. It says God set the cities on fire because their sin was grievous.  You know how many sins are considered grievous to God?! A WHOLE HEAP OF THEM.  But what does religion do? pick a “sin of choice”, zero in on it, isolate some people, discriminate and crucify over and over and over again. Because, you know…. every body is God.

Church:  there’s a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr that says “…it is appalling that the most segregated hour of Christian America is 11 o’clock on Sunday morning.”  I would venture to say Sunday on a whole is a day of segregation.  Christian religion believes it’s the RIGHT religion.  All other religions are wrong or just haven’t gotten it right yet.  And at the same time, all other religions believe that they’re religion is the RIGHT religion.  Everyone is bosom-buddies from Monday to Saturday, but come Sunday, we all retreat to our proverbial “corners” and worship our version of God the way we apply him to our cultures and tradition.

Religion speaks of a Forgiving God.  Then the religious people punish people for screwing up.  Basically, God forgives you but we don’t.  Do you know that they would “read out” a young woman out of the church for getting pregnant out of wedlock?  I mean, they would take the time out of their Sunday to let the church know “hey, so and so got knocked up so this is official notice that we’re scratching her off the members list. Once she has the baby and comes back she can start fresh”  I’m pretty sure the wording is different/deeper/”more loving”, but the context is the same.  Yep, it happened to me. I don’t know how it goes, but I know it went.  I didn’t attend church that Sunday because WHO wants to experience that humiliation?   Well, why go through that?  I’ll still be unmarried and toting my beautiful happy baby. Soooo why go through all that?  Shouldn’t my screw up be between me and God?   Yep, I’m sure someone said “well, if you had just kept your legs closed you wouldn’t have to go through that.”…  but you know…it got good and -as an older lady said- I forgot to get up” LOL!!!!  Gotta laugh at some of this stuff if not it’ll have you in a corner hugging yourself, rocking and humming softly.  And from what I see and know, a whole heap of them went through something similar at some point.  Why rain down such judgment on someone else?

That is my main problem with religion.  The continuous rainstorm of judgement.  The good book says “judge not, less you be judged” and yet…. every day… judgement rains from religious people.   Then when their leaders screw up, suddenly it’s “let God be the Judge”.  HUH?!

So, yes. I confess: I have issues -deep issues- with religion. Not just Christian religion, but religion on a whole.  I only focused on the Christian religion because it’s what I know first hand. I write from what I know.

What are your thoughts?

Michelle Obama Writes College Recommendation for Black-ish’s Yara Shahidi — News One

Yara Shahidi of ABC’s family comedy, Black-ish, just got the endorsement of a lifetime—one from former First Lady Michelle Obama. Mrs. Obama wrote the 17-year-old Shahidi recommendations for all four colleges she applied to—including her top choice Harvard, where Mrs. Obama attended Law School, reports the Daily Mail. “She is very amazing and such a…

via Michelle Obama Writes College Recommendation for Black-ish’s Yara Shahidi — News One

“The Shack”

Good morning all!

So I read this book some years ago.  It was introduced to me by a friend of mine who lost her father to some senseless murder in Orlando.  I believe he was a cop.  At any rate, going through that process was not easy for her -to say the least.  Somehow, she came upon the book “The Shack”.  She read it, loved it, then recommended it to me. I read it, loved it, recommended it to my sister.  She read it, loved it, and we recommended it to my mom who said “no thank you.”  My parents, the traditionally religious Jamaican Christians, just didn’t want to imagine God as anything other than the Big Man in a Big White Robe…. o.k. to each his own.

Sis and I went to see the movie this past Saturday (in my mismatched flipflops as captured in my “Mom Chronicles”) and I was glad that it stuck to how the book read.

GOD: portrayed as a very motherly, comforting black woman -then later a humble, yet strong, Native American man.

Jesus: is actually portrayed as middle-eastern.  Handsome, with dark, curly hair and beard, and this warm welcoming ….thing about him.  and playful. hardworking and playful.

The Holy Spirit: portrayed by a beautiful Native American woman. she glows. she’s emotional and comforting (as should be)

Now, I’m no movie critic so you don’t have to take my word for it. However, I do recommend it. There are a LOT of controversies going on regarding it, but I don’t pay attention to that.  Anything that shakes traditional beliefs is worth listening to or watching. It doesn’t answer all your “..but God, why??…” questions, but it does allow you to think differently.  So, if/when you get a chance, go see it (check and make sure your shoes match :D).  I believe you’ll enjoy it.

Mom chronicles

This is what happens when you get a chance to run away for a couple hours to see a movie. Didn’t notice until I was IN the movie theatre. 😁 shamed? Worried? Self conscious? NO MA’AM/SIR. But I sure enjoyed the movie! Then strutted around ROSS in my mismatched shoes like a BOSS! :):):):)

#motherhood

P.S. I’m pretty sure I just deleted a comment, maybe two, and I have no idea how I did it.  at any rate, THANK YOU FOR READING!!!