In this moment… 12:48a.m

I can’t sleep. I had too much Red Bull. I need to sleep because I’m running this meeting tomorrow and I need to be on point.  But…. I can’t sleep.  I texted… I know -no, I assume- he’s sleeping but I need some place to put my thoughts.  So,  here I am. 

My mind is full speed ahead…just running… and about things that I have NO CONTROL over…. For example :  Everyday I see him and secretly I’m grateful that I have no cash on me because he’s out here everyday so I KNOW he’s making money.  But today I had cash on me… So I cracked my window just enough so I could slip him a few dollars as he walked down the lane with his cup… and I might be wrong but I thought I smelled liquor on him…. I know that smell all too well.  But, that has nothing to do with me.  I gave,  what he does with it is up to him. 

I had an unexpected conversation today… I enjoyed every bit of it. Told me about Marvin Gaye… Which led me to listening to Teddy Pendergrass on my way home…my favorite of his came on “…more beautiful than the Mona Lisa,  more precious than gold….. my latest my greatest inspiration… ”  Teddy Pendergrass…. I can understand why women threw their panties at him…just listening to him spiraled my thoughts… 

What am I wearing to work in the morning?….another pencil skirt, coordinating top and pumps?  Maybe a skirt with a little flare with a matching flowy sweater…coordinating top with wedged heels. yes,  that’s it. 

Whitney Houston is now singing “…and I will always love you”. Years ago before we broke up or even saw it ending I laughed and told him if things ended I’d sing him this song.  He didn’t find it funny. Said if I did he would never speak to me again. HA!  well,  it ended.  I didn’t sing it to him,  and we still speak -as needed,  and sometimes just a random hello. 

I really need to turn down the volume on that radio -and my mind- at night. 

I can finally feel the sleep coming… A slow embrace.  I’m going to give in with ease. 

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