I realize

that over the past year and a half I have forgotten MANY moments. Its like one minute I’m laying in the hospital -the doctors discussing if I can wait a few hours or if this is going to be now- and the next minute she’s running around laughing and talking/babbling back, giving mean face and hugs and kisses. The cliché rings true: where has the time gone? She’s in the room with the teen girls, on her toy cell phone, dancing to hip-hop and giggling. She’s learning letters and numbers, shapes and fruits…she’s amazing. Where has the time gone… I feel like I have forgotten so many moments. But I will never forget what it felt like having the doctor’s hands inside my open belly, my body shifting as she removed this tiny person from me. I will never forget hearing my baby’s cry for the first time and me saying “that’s the sweetest sound ever”. I will never forget that little face next to mine.

I realize that I have forgotten many moments and its o.k, because there are those moments that I will never forget.

You keep on going…

When there’s something “unusual” that makes even the doctors tilt their heads to the sides in the confused-puppy look and they put you on medication with the instruction to come back in a couple weeks… “if it’s gone, great. If not, then we’ll know how to proceed.”  Breathe.

You keep on going because even though it remains at the forefront of your mind, you have no time to worry about it. You look at your children and you know you have to keep going. You hear your parents inquire about it and you know there’s concern…so you answer and soothe their fears “I’m o.k it’s getting better” and it’s the truth. Should it be much further along in the “better”? Yep. But you keep that to yourself. No need in having them worry. And while you’re parenting and working and parenting and planning, you’re also making all the necessary doctor appointments because you need all of them to be on the same page. No confusion.

You keep on going even though the process is slow, it’s steady. You keep on going. You keep on living.

Teens …

I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know exactly what to do. It’s the honest truth. They’re not out running the streets. They’re not on drugs. Not cussing (too much…at least not around me) I have no worries about their physical health. But their mental and emotional health…. all they do all day is play on their phones. I have yet to see one take the initiative of “let me check online to see if there’s any class work I can catch up on while I’m home…” or “let me finish this book I’m halfway through…”. No, they’re on their phones. Texting and FaceTiming with friends and playing pool…with each other…even though they’re in the same livingroom! Smh.

I leave them be, because prior to them getting out of school I stayed stressing them and my damn self about the grades and the assignments and ‘what can you do to make this better’ and communicated with the teachers reminding them not to mistake mine for “just another one”. Let’s talk. Tell me what’s going on…because mine can’t fall through the cracks. So it honestly feels good to not have to question for a few days. Sigh…. I just need them to understand the importance of success and in setting a clear path for yourself.

I think I’m going to go back to sleep now for however long before my tiny one wakes up and demands our day to begin.

What to say…

I said I would post something every couple days while home on vacation. Well, I’ve been home 11 days now and this is the first time I’m logging on. 11 days of …. I can’t even be bothered to list it, but believe me I’ve been busy. I shake my head whenever call and ask my mom “did you rest today?” and she replies “not really…” then proceeds to tell me all she had to do.  I totally get it. Once you’re home for a few days you realize all that needs to be done around the house. Then you remember all the appointments that need to be made for you and the kids. The couple things you have to take care of for your parents. And even things that need to be done for a couple siblings… I really do need to make reservations for my sister’s birthday celebration before its too late… and the list goes on and on.  One thing though, I rest. Once I put this baby down for her nap in the afternoons I’m either taking a nap as well or watching some awesome action packed movie. I rest.

I still feel tired though. Like my body is trying to catch up. In a previous post i said “I’m going to sleep and eat and play and sing and read and write and watch TV.”  I’ve been doing all this plus whatever else i mentioned earlier. Tjis is why I’m tired 🙂 But it’s o.k, once I hit “PUBLISH” a couple times I’ll go back to sleep. So stay tuned, another post coming.

Hi! 

GOOD MORNING BEAUTIFULS and GORGEOUSES !!!!!! :)let this be the day that you accept that both these adjectives apply to YOU!!!  🌷

it’s been a while since I posted anything here because the past couple weeks have been Ummmmm (scratches head)  well…busy. simple.  I’m tired. HOWEVER, I’m happy! My Christmas vacation begins today! What am I going to do?  I’m glad you asked. I’m going to sleep. Then when I’m awake I’m going to sit /lay on the floor and play with my one year old. I’m going to sing nursery rhymes and read her favorite books and teach her more letters and numbers. We’re going to eat. We’re going to nap. We’re going to play some more. I’m going to watch TV with my 16 year old. Catch up on our favorite TV shows and let her choose cheesey movies.😄

Oh,  and I’m going to blog. I’m going to find SOMETHING to write about at least every other day. Yep.

I’m going to sleep and eat and play and sing and read and write and watch TV. This is what my vacation will be and I am looking VERY FORWARD TO IT!

O.k bye 👋

on Parenting

Parenting teenagers can be mentally exhausting.  These perfect tiny humans are born to you and you raise them with such love and care and you continuously express the importance of education and success and choosing friends wisely, carefully.  You see them take heed to all this for many years.  They show good decision making. They stand up for what they believe in and defend the rights of their friends. All this makes you proud. Overflowing. They show that birds of a feather really do flock together in positive ways. Then suddenly one day, your perfect tiny humans who grew up to be marvelously intelligent small people are now teenaged strangers.  And you’re looking at and communicating with them and thinking “who are these kids??? where are the ones I’ve been raising?”  and you actually hear yourself say “I don’t know who you are, but I want my kid back.”  And you walk away from whatever version of that conversation is -the same conversation you’ve had 174 times in 174 ways- feeling so tired.  You sit in the quiet of your car or your bedroom and you think, where did I go wrong?  How did I foster this new personality?  Then you think, but they’re really not the worst.  They could be SO MUCH WORSE.  And so you give thanks for the temporary insanity.  Because yes, this has GOT to be temporary.  Then you go into fix-it mode.  Because success is NOT an option.  Not before and definitely not now.  Not in this political and racial and environmental climate that we’re approaching.  SUCCESS IS NOT OPTIONAL.  So you find different paths and make new rules and remove as much distractions as possible without stripping them of all communications. And you once again stress the importance of education and success.  And you walk away exhausted. Again.  But you know you can’t allow them to give up and settle for mediocrity.  You know you can’t give up on them.   Yes, parenting teenagers is exhausting, but it’s worth it.

teenagers-are-exhausting