When greed is mistaken for love

The moment passed, years ago… a re-connection was made.  But it’s been years  since you’ve seen each other. College degrees and career advancements and Lovers and heartbreaks and disappointments and true love and children and time…so much time has passed.  And you’re settled with the one you now love and you have children and a re-connection happened… and he thinks it’s fate. Destiny. He thinks the universe has finally turned things in his favor…brought the “one he lost” (or never got) back to him.  His feelings explode. Feelings that he thought were long gone…those feelings are now back and multiplied because not only is her laugh/smile/tone the same, but she’s single. and YES the universe has brought her back to him.  Yes, she is single. Heart opened to love.  She’s happy and educated and ready to settle down. All the things that she is, but he’s not.  He’s not single. He’s not available. He’s already settled down. But none of this matters. Because he’s willing to “risk it all” for her. For her. For her who’s not willing to allow him to risk it all for her.  Because she’s been in her shoe.  The shoe where she thinks her love only belongs to her. The shoe where she can easily see ‘happily ever after’ with him -and he with her honestly- yet he had to get this one last thing out his system.  So she tells him no. Because she knows that hurt and believes his lady doesn’t deserve that. Yet he pursues. He convinces her it’s love.  Left up to him, he would have them both. He said so. He loves them both. He said so.  This is not a debate on whether or not one can love two at the same time.  This is a question of how. How can you love someone you no longer know? How can you believe that what you feel is equal to what you know you have for the one you’re with?   So she asks the questions -the deep ones (as momma says). the ones that require absolute honesty.  He answers her. Honestly.  It’s what he wants.  If even just once…just to satisfy his curiosity…his fantasies.  This way he can move on knowing that he finally got that. This way he moves on…with the one he’s with.  Having conquered the one he never had. This way he moves on and leaves her….single and unhappy.  Ruined for his moment of….what?

What he fails to understand is that she is not a sky-dive. She is not a mountain to be climbed. She is not an exotic country to be visited.  She is not a check-off on his bucket-list.  He fails to understand that the love and commitment that he has given to someone, is the love and commitment she also deserves.  The continuous mix-up/confusion of love and greed in his soul is exhausting to her.  Having to constantly explain this to him is exhausting to her.  And so she brings it to a halt. A sudden stop- if you will.  Because his determination is solely for him, and so she has to save herself.  Karma really is a bitch, and that is one bitch you don’t want to rub negatively.  I want to plant good seeds, so my harvest will be abundantly happy.  It sounds so corny, but its so true.  I desire happiness.  Purposely inviting in anything less than the happiness I desire is unacceptable.

And so I walk away.

 

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