That Moment when mom…

Gently grabs hold of your hand then places her other open palm on your chest and you crumble. Come apart. In that moment you are not “the girls’ mom” or the head of household or the one doing that project or in charge of the morning event or giving the speech or volunteering for… Or trying to figure out what the next volunteer event should be or going to the grocery store….no. In that moment you are her baby again. And you hear your dad inquiring off in the distance “what happened… Why is she crying…” and you know it concerns him because daddy always says “when you see this one crying, stop and check because this one isn’t a cryer” and you know he’s worried but you can’t stop to see about his concerns about you because you have fallen apart. Breathe. One of the strong towers of the family has crumbled. Breathe. Your head is on mom’s chest and you are sobbing. Hard. Like a child. Her child. Her baby. And her open palm is still resting in the middle of your chest and her other hand is now on your back. Embracing you. Holding you up. Being the strength you need. She is. And you hear her telling you “Its o.k. let it go.  rest it on my shoulders. whatever it is, it will pass.” And she prays ever so softly and you know what she’s saying is true. This will pass. But in this moment this is all here and happening and it’s all exhausting and you’re tired. Breathe. But you’re here falling apart, coming undone, crumbling and your toddler is at your leg calling you with great concern…”mom! Mom? Mawm?!” and now she’s helping you to cry because even she knows something is wrong “if this one is crying”. So she keeps calling “mawm?!” through her own tears. Until you reach down through your tears and comfort her by simply saying “its o.k baby” and by telling her this you’re also saying it to yourself as well because you’re resting on momma’s shoulders.   And you know its going to pass… Just like momma said. So you stand up straight and wipe your eyes and you pull yourself together. On the outside. Breathe. In this moment all this… happened and you know you’ll always look back at this moment as that moment when momma allowed you to just be.  Breathe.

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