Have you ever seen a grown man cry? I mean, breakdown and sob. I mean, see his tears and hear his moans and know that in that moment his blood pressure lowered, because what all he was holding/keeping/ignoring/suppressing is now being released through his tears. When is the last time you saw a grown man cry? That does something to you. Something shifts. You realize you only know what he’s told you, but the rest has been kept hidden because, you know… we all know… “that a man ain’t supposed to cry” not a “real” man anyways. goodness. Who comes up with these rules? Because Real Men (whatever this description is) break. They get tired sometimes. They cry.
here’s what I know: I know that when a man drinks a lot of liquor he becomes emotional. Hear me when I say, I’ve seen a grown man cry plenty times. I used to break with him. he cries, I cried. Plenty times. However, it got to the point where when it happened I simply turned away and kept on doing whatever the task was, or create a task or simply exit the environment. Sometimes with a strong eye-roll. It may sound odd, but that did something me. That shifted something in me. Did it shift my sympathy? No. At least I don’t think so… but something shifted….
When I see a grown man break and cry, I can stand and be the shoulder he needs to cry on. I can honor the fact that this moment is significant. I am wise enough to know that he’s not crying because he has nothing better to do. I am present enough to not push for answers, but to simply allow the moment to be a simple as it is. He needed this time. Let it be.
Now my mom? she tells a story of how when I was a toddler, she was doing her normal afternoon prayer, and there I was kneeling next to her. when she was done I looked up at her and said “mommy, you didn’t pray good today” she said “why baby?” to which I replied “you didn’t cry this time” 🙂 That’s when my momma cries. during prayer. So if/when she breaks outside of prayer, THAT breaks me.
But seeing a grown man cry…something has shifted in me…. and I don’t know if I can get it back.