Lesson learned years ago…
We sat in my living room talking…about what is and what could be. He knew -without a doubt- that I was the woman for him. It was like yet another “interview” process. He told me all the reasons why we would be good together…all the reasons why this would work…all the reasons why he should be hired for the position. I asked “if I’m so great, why did the others leave?” He simply said, “because you’re not their dream-girl.”
tick. tick. BOOM!!!
what? me? But I’m great! (LOL)
He continued with “yeah baby you are, but you’re not their dream-girl. The fact is, every man has a dream-girl. As amazing as you are, you just can’t be every body’s dream-girl. So they move on in search of her. you were not their dream-girl; but you’re mine.”
tick. tick. BOOM?
Here’s the kicker. ready for it?
I was his dream-girl, but he wasn’t my dream-guy. for SO MANY REASONS.
So this got me thinking…. how many of us women believe that we are the dream-girl for whoever it is that we choose to be with, or whoever chooses us? And with this belief, we end up with all the “why’s” after things don’t work out.
“Why didn’t he choose me?
Why didn’t he stay?
why didn’t he fight for us?
How dare he not acknowledge my value and my worth??!?!?!”
Have we ever stopped and thought that maybe -just maybe- he/they DID acknowledge your value and your worth and realized one of two things?
- you were worth more than he knew he could afford: be it financially, morally, intellectually…etc. OR
- (breathe it through) you simply weren’t worth his time and effort. (breathe it through)
Yep. that last one is hard to handle. Cause, you know… “you are every woman. it’s all it you”… and with this understanding, it’s always “their loss” when things don’t work out. And then heaven forbid he finds “her”. His dream-girl. OH NO. “He ain’t never gonna be as happy with her as he was with me. He’ll see it soon enough. He’ll come running back.”
and so we set ourselves up for the first sign/words of “I miss you” and you open your self up so he can ‘come home’. Or as my momma puts it “lay yourself careless”. Not realizing that this is what YOU conjured up and even though he may run-in, he’s going to go back to her. because. Yes. you are not his dream-girl. you never were.
What’s the truth? You are someone’s dream-girl. you are not everyone’s dream-girl. and so the time and effort you put into trying to be everyone’s dream-girl, you are taking away from the essence of YOU. By the time he finds you, you’ll be so spent….tired from trying…that you may not even recognize him. your dream-guy.
SOOOOOOOOOO the moral of the story is:
You are not everyone’s dream-girl.
If you are in the dating pool, then honor others the opportunity to seek and find. You don’t have to holler “POLO!!” to everyone that yells “MARCO?!” Let him/them learn you for who you really are. not who you want him/them to learn. Give them your truth. Allow choices to be made and honor those choices.