Spiraling

I thought about the different ways I wanted to write this.  how vague I could be.  I started and deleted. because it was so vague it almost made no sense.  so instead of vague, I’ll be transparent.

Truth: Sometimes I spiral.  not physically. and not even mentally.  but more so emotionally.  I’m not crying or screaming (probably on the inside) or displaying any negative actions.  but I reach.  My spiraling comes in moments when I need some attention.   from the opposite sex.  so I text. nope, I don’t call. because that requires more emotion.  I text.  because I can either ignore their responses or accept it -based on the tone and the path.  sigh.  I spiral.  not for a few minutes or an hour, but for what seems like an entire work day.

by the time I get home, if I check my text log I will have seen logs from three or four guys. and the one with the most messages is the one who was available to give me the attention I needed for that day.

and then months will go by. I carry on my days like the superwoman I am.  Girl on fire that I be.  Giving my attention and my all to all who need me.  and then suddenly, I’l find myself spiraling. reaching.

could this be my way of refilling?  re-energizing?  Every few months I pull the energy I need, so I can in turn give the energy that is required of me?

I don’t know what it is.  I wish I didn’t have these spiraling…reaching moments.  Then again, I need these moments.  to spiral.

spiral

 

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