Every thing has its Season

A Time for Everything (this still remains my favorite chapter in the bible)

Ecclesiastes 3 

  1. For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2  a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

3  a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4  a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5  a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6  a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7  a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8  a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

The God-Given Task

9 What gain has the worker from his toil?
10 I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with.
11 He has made everything beautiful in its time.  Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
12 I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live;
13 also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man.
14 I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. 15 That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.

From Dust to Dust

16 Moreover, I saw under the sun that in the place of justice, even there was wickedness, and in the place of righteousness, even there was wickedness.
17 I said in  my heart, God will judge the righteous and the wicked, for there is a time for every matter and for every work. 18 I said in my heart with regard to the children of man that God is testing them that they may see that they themselves are but beasts. 19 For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity. 20 All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down into the earth? 22 So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work, for that is his lot. Who can bring him to see what will be after him?

Ecclesiastes 3

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confession without resolution

I was talking with someone this morning and she said “I have to confess something…” of course, being who she is I figured the confession wouldn’t be anything I needed to take a seat for.  So I walked and listened. At the end of the confession I asked “so what’s the resolution?” to which she giggled and replied “oh there is none” which made me laugh.  I laughed because I expected a “well, we figured it would instead be best to…..”.
So I laughed, but I got me to thinking: confession without resolution is simply a statement.  I believe if you confess something, it’s something that you are more than likely not proud of.  Which as a result, will require some kind of change on your part.
eg: If you confess with your mouth and believe in your heart that Christ died for you and that He is Lord, you are saved.  As a result, your mindset and lifestyle requires positive change.
another example: “I’ve been ummmm doing this craziness for a couple months now.” resolution? now that it’s been told, you either quit doing it OR be at peace that it’s out in the open and quit living in secret.  Either way, a change is required on your part.
example 3: your medication isn’t working as it should….are you taking it as prescribed? are you drinking alcohol along with or instead of taking your meds?  Confession: yea, I’ve been drinking just the same and most times opt out of taking the meds so I can drink. [insert V8 headsmack here]
resolution: quit drinking alcohol and take the meds so you can get better.

the moral of this story is: if you are going to confess, prepare to come up with a resolution.

Be Loved, Beloved.

frustration

you asked for 5, I give you 50
you asked for some, I give you all
you asked to go, I give you directions
you asked for the city, I give you the world
you asked for a star, I give you the universe
what more do you need?
nothing
what more do you want?
everything
At this point I can only give you what I have left of me
and it really isn’t much
I want to stop
but I can’t
because if I stop, you will too
stop pushing, stop reaching, stop achieving
you feel alone, yet you isolate yourself
you just don’t get it
so explain it to me
I pull away, you come after me
I stop talking, you strike up conversations
what do you want from me?!
you go to sleep mad
you wake up sad
where does your joy lie?
it’s not here with us
I understand you have to find yourself
the YOU that you were meant to be
but who are you now???
because I don’t recognize this person
I don’t recognize you
the words you speak
the tone you use
catch your tone…I ain’t one a dem!
you apologize
I accept
then the same thing happens two days later
I give. and then I give. then I give some more
but it’s not enough
this family isn’t enough
then who is?
for you?
what is your intention for YOU?
I’m praying hard
I’m googling
researching
seeking guidance
help
instructions
on how to
if this was a DIY project, I’d be good to go
but it’s not.
you need to help me
with this
with you
what more do you need?
………………………………..sigh
I swear my hair is falling out
which pisses me off because I worked hard on this damn afro!
my body is giving up on me
gotta stack up on my B-complex…
pretty sure I’ve created my own mental B-complex…but I digress

I’m tired from crying
sobbing
God, please show me what to do
give me the words
I lay down with my eyes puffy
nostrils blocked
they say crying is healing
crying is also exhausting
I’m at work…can’t focus
because my thoughts are on you
maybe this is what obsession is like
if it is, obsession is for the birds
God, please show me what to do
give me the words
help me be the mother this kid needs me to be in each moment
it’s a thin line… between
obsession/parenting.

the blues

the difference between

who is this kid? this girl? this young lady? she is nothing like me.  and yet everything I am.  “she looks just like her father, but she acts just like you.”  …created in his image, but my likeness.

where is her drive? what is her passion? her motivation?  I am so lost. I feel so damn deflated.  at times I hate talking to to her as much as she despises listening to me speak.  I hesitate to say the words “baby, come lemme talk to you a minute” and I see the “wtf now???” on her face as she approaches.  At her age, I was -and still am- ALL ABOUT FAMILY.  she’s all about friends.

where does the difference lie?

I am one of 6.  my family is my friends.  until two years ago, she was one of one. her best friends are her family.  this is the difference.  the distinct variation.  the break between she and I.   I always turned to my siblings first.  because I had them.  she’s had her friends since elementary.  they mean SOMETHING to her.

I need to accept this.  respect this.  honor this.

she is the same as me.  just different.

mother daughter

shades of…

he said he was lonely in his bed. that he needed her to show up. so she did. and though it had been over a decade since she’s felt him…there was no anxiety.  the call to get to him was just as natural as though it happened daily. he needed her.
she boarded the plane for the quick flight. an hour later she made her exit…or her entrance into his arms. and he held her. right there. and moments later she whispered “we have to go“.  so they left. … and arrived at his place. as they walked in, he asked if she was thirsty. she said yes. …..so she drank.  then she asked if he was hungry. he said very. so he ate.
and then they sat and had a meal together. and talked. he admired her afro. his queen.  she played in his dreads. her king.  and each time he spoke her name, she smiled. there was just something.  it still sounded so right.  they walked along the beach, which was right out his door. he held her hand. spoke her name. made her smile. and she listened. he held her close. spoke her name, on her lips. his breath was warm. welcoming.  they went back in. and then, so did he…
two days later, they kissed goodbye. she boarded the plane knowing it wouldn’t be another decade before the next visit. something new had begun between them.
he needed her to come. so she did. so did he.

black love

my truth

I swear, sometimes I wish I could walk around with my halo -bright like the sun
with the light of GAWDT just shining through me
speaking like a true oracle of GAWDT (that’s just how it has to be said in this moment. dramatically.)
looking at people and seeing who they really are
feeling just what they are feeling in that moment
knowing their struggles without them saying a word
then imparting/depositing great words of encouragement in their spirits.
then continue gliding through my day.

and then there are days like this:
where the last thing I want to hear is a gospel song
where I’m glad I prayed in days past
because today, I just don’t have it

today I need a lot of Kymani Marley and his brother Steven
I need to hear Chronixx put in poetry the chaos of the land, and then tell how we’re stronger than that
today I need a little Machel Montano and Shurwayne Winchester
I need Kelissa to remind me that I “got keep my head up“… as I go “one step further each and every day“.

I don’t want to find a defect….anywhere.
not today
I’m done giving instructions and directions
for the day
I’m setting aside my worries/concerns
until tomorrow -maybe.
I don’t want to deal with text messages or phone calls
right now

today I just need some soca. and reggae. and

inner peace.

reggae

 

when the hunter becomes the hunted

There is something -a great feeling- when you finally get what you’ve worked so hard for: a degree, a position in your career, a car, a house, a vacation, a love.

Ever heard of the story of Jacob and Rachel in the bible? Jacob saw Rachel out and about one day, had a quick conversation with her, and basically fell in love (when a man knows…he KNOWS) went and struck a deal with Rachel’s dad. the dad said work for me for 7 years and then you can get to marry Rachel…. and Jacob worked. Seven years passed and on the wedding night the dad basically said “yeah, no. you gotta marry the older one first…work 7 more years THEN you can have Rachel.”  So Jacob worked. and FINALLY got Rachel. He worked FOURTEEN YEARS to get Rachel.  Of course back then they were living till they were 800/900 years old, so 14 years wasn’t nuthin.   But still, he didn’t put in two weeks of work, he worked for YEARS to get RACHEL. showed her and her daddy he was serious.  His love was real.  The story following is filled with drama and hurt…but Jacob LOVED Rachel. Why? Because that’s who he wanted.  SHE was his aim and goal.

Now what if the story was turned.  Rachel saw Jacob, ran home told her dad “I saw him! The man I want to marry!!! Please daddy! Please please please make this happen!!!”  Jacob wouldn’t have to work no where as hard for Rachel and probably wouldn’t have loved or appreciated her half as much.  Why, cause she made it easy.  He married Leah cause he had to. He didn’t work for Leah. she was handed off to him.  Leah did everything she possibly could to gain is favor…be his favorite.  But Jacob LOVED RACHEL.  SHE’S who he worked hard to get.

Moral of the story:  Ladies, you don’t have to grab your spears, bows and arrows “cause he takin to long“.  Whether it be online or In Real Life, set the trail.  Leave your tracks. leave your “scent”, then let him find you.  and of course, don’t just surrender at first site.  Come on now.  Let him work a little. I don’t care how modern times are now, or how “things have changed”.  As far as the pursuit of love, things remain the same.  Men are hunters in search of “THE one”.  The harder the catch, the “sweeter the victory“.

Choices to make: you can either be Leah or Rachel.  the lazy duck in the woods, or the daring tiger.

Beloved, Be Loved.