A Force Greater than you


I don’t care who you are, or what your religious beliefs -or the lack thereof- are. Just know you didn’t evolve from a fish or a monkey (why are there still monkeys??). Know that there is something far greater, more intelligent, more powerful, more loving, more forgiving -and sometimes more angry- than you. Your God may be a big white man, wearing a long white robe, sporting long white hair and beard sitting on a white thrown. Your God may be a nurturing woman who is continuously birthing newness of life and love into this murderous world.  Your God may be a powerful spirit that holds and controls the universe in itself and takes the form of who you need it to be in the very moment you need it: a mother’s word of love, an offspring’s sweet hug, the well needed words of a best friend, or the redirection of an elder.

Whatever/whoever you believe in, always remember to take the time to acknowledge and honor That Presence and continuous actions of That Power in your life.  You show your gratitude simply by loving yourself enough to live the good life you deserve and by helping others to do the same.

You didn’t “just happen”. You are here by design.

This song is by Tye Tribbett titled “I Need You”.  Enjoy



“You’re not his dream-girl”

Lesson learned years ago…

We sat in my living room talking…about what is and what could be.  He knew -without a doubt- that I was the woman for him.  It was like yet another “interview” process.  He told me all the reasons why we would be good together…all the reasons why this would work…all the reasons why he should be hired for the position.  I asked “if I’m so great, why did the others leave?”  He simply said, “because you’re not their dream-girl.”

tick. tick. BOOM!!!

what? me? But I’m great! (LOL)

He continued with “yeah baby you are, but you’re not their dream-girl.  The fact is, every man has a dream-girl.  As amazing as you are, you just can’t be every body’s dream-girl.  So they move on in search of her.  you were not their dream-girl; but you’re mine.”

tick. tick. BOOM?

Here’s the kicker.  ready for it?

I was his dream-girl, but he wasn’t my dream-guy.  for SO MANY REASONS.

So this got me thinking…. how many of us women believe that we are the dream-girl for whoever it is that we choose to be with, or whoever chooses us?  And with this belief, we end up with all the “why’s” after things don’t work out.

“Why didn’t he choose me?

Why didn’t he stay?

why didn’t he fight for us?

How dare he not acknowledge my value and my worth??!?!?!”

Have we ever stopped and thought that maybe -just maybe- he/they DID acknowledge your value and your worth and realized one of two things?

  1. you were worth more than he knew he could afford: be it financially, morally, intellectually…etc.  OR
  2. (breathe it through) you simply weren’t worth his time and effort.  (breathe it through)

Yep. that last one is hard to handle.  Cause, you know… “you are every woman.  it’s all it you”… and with this understanding, it’s always “their loss” when things don’t work out.   And then heaven forbid he finds “her”.  His dream-girl.  OH NO.  “He ain’t never gonna be as happy with her as he was with me. He’ll see it soon enough.  He’ll come running back.” 

and so we set ourselves up for the first sign/words of “I miss you”  and you open your self up so he can ‘come home’.  Or as my momma puts it “lay yourself careless”.  Not realizing that this is what YOU conjured up and even though he may run-in, he’s going to go back to her.  because.  Yes. you are not his dream-girl.  you never were.

What’s the truth?  You are someone’s dream-girl.  you are not everyone’s dream-girl.  and so the time and effort you put into  trying to be everyone’s dream-girl, you are taking away from the essence of YOU.  By the time he finds you, you’ll be so spent….tired from trying…that you may not even recognize him.  your dream-guy.

SOOOOOOOOOO the moral of the story is:

You are not everyone’s dream-girl.

If you are in the dating pool, then honor others the opportunity to seek and find.  You don’t have to holler “POLO!!” to everyone that yells “MARCO?!”   Let him/them learn you for who you really are.  not who you want him/them to learn.  Give them your truth.  Allow choices to be made and honor those choices.

true essence


“The depth of Friendship does not depend on length of acquaintance.”
-Rabindranath Tagore

I had lunch with a couple friends of mine today.  We were a perfect intro to a sucky joke: “Three ladies walked into a restaurant: a white one, a black one and an asian one…“.  I thought about this later and chuckled to myself.  At any rate, I remember one of the Elders told us once if everyone in your contact list looks, acts and believes like you, then it’s time you made new friends.

I never forgot that.  However, I am always wary of making “new friends”.  The time and energy that it will take to get to know and trust them. know and trust them.  Trust them.  Y’all KNOW I struggle with trusting folks!  But somehow, I launched out. All three of us similar in that we hardly ever leave our desks for lunch.  We work through lunch and then go home to our families.  No “happy hour” after work.  Our happy hours are at home with our own.  Three women from completely different cultures, races, backgrounds.  Our conversation was easy.  We ate, laughed, gave advice. If there was silence it wasn’t awkward and was quickly filled with another thought.

The fact is every now and then you need to launch out and meet new people.  Revert to your kindergarten self where you “made friends…cause they were nice“.

Friends quote

To my teen

I’m aggressive. I’m hard at times. I don’t listen to anything you say. I don’t hear you. I don’t understand.

The thing is I do.  all of it. I do. The thing is you don’t understand that I honestly wasn’t born a mom.  I went through all the years you’re going through.   I work hard and sacrifice a lot of my own self so as to give you a life of ease… I went to school in the hood. Period. I know what it’s like to have to go through metal detectors and get my book-bag searched every morning.  I know what it’s like to be in the halls, the class, the cafeteria, the city bus and watch a random fight break out.  I know what difficult school days are.  I know what it’s like to walk home CAREFULLY from school because these fools and the stolen cars were reckless and they killed a lot of kids (including themselves) with their reckless driving and they were a part of my afternoon walk…   I know how to live at one end of the block and stay on that end because literally a block over, the drug dealing was rampant and well-known. I know what it’s like to have the boys come at you because you’re different and you look different and act different.  I know what it’s like to have to say “man no! I’m not going home with you and hell no you can’t come over! I don’t want my momma/daddy to kill me!”  I know.  I know what it’s like to listen to the other girls tell their stories about who they’re doing and which chic is coming after their man….while I figure out how best to pass this  drafting class and electronics class. And get my work done for physics and chemistry classes because I know one or two of my friends are going to be looking to me for the answers the next day, so I was succeeding not only for myself, but for them also.  I know.  I also know what it’s like to keep up with my guidance counselor so I can choose the best college for me.  I knew how to make those appointments and stick with them without missing out on any important class assignments.  My parents didn’t go to college but they were hard-working and smart and the older siblings were already off to college so I figured it out.  I know.

So I work hard and make sure we live in a “better” neighborhood.  Rent would be a whole lot cheaper 20 minutes down the road, but I want you to feel safe, so I work hard, and choose other…. “mom, you just don’t get it. you don’t listen...” but I do.  Mom you don’t understand how hard these classes are. Oh but I do. been there.  Mom all my friends are coupled up with somebody or other.  I understand.  But what you don’t hear them tell you about is the pregnancy scares and how many different STD’s they’ve contracted on account of being “coupled up”

I hear everything you say and more.  I hear what you don’t say.  I hear what you feel.  I hear what you feel. Do you get that?  Without you saying a word, I hear you.  I know who you are.  I know who you have been. I see who you’ve become. I see you at your crossroads.  I hear what you feel.  My child who’s been an A student all the way up till high-school is tired.  I get that.  She feels pressured. I get that. The closer she gets to having to choose a college, the more she lets go of trying…She’s scared of going off…away.  I understand. I hear what you feel. I hear what you don’t say.

Allow me to help you choose your next path.  Remember this: you are a black woman.  No matter how pretty you are, you are a black woman.  In this political climate that we’re in, you will be seen as that. Black. Woman.  Double Jeopardy.  Create a life that will make them WANT to choose you. HAVE TO CHOOSE YOU.  The colleges. The jobs.  The applications don’t have your pretty face on them.  The applications have your name and your qualifications.  I chose your name carefully.  No one can look at your name and assume your race and culture.  Your name alone requires further review.  Now the qualifications attached to your name are totally up to you.  Choose your path -not as another black chic trying to make a living- but as a young woman who will do great and marvelous things.  Don’t allow the fear of success to cripple you.  Allow it to pique your curiosity to reach for more…greater.  Be the success you were meant to be.  In this political climate that we’re now in -that we’re facing- you can’t afford to be anything less than great.

I hear what you feel. You feel afraid.  It’s o.k.  I know. I promise I understand.  And I promise it will all be o.k. because no matter what, you’ll never have to go it alone.  I’m here. I love you. Forever.