…describes the color of this cloud overshadowing my spirit today. not a light-gray that lets you know that the sun is breaking through. No, that deep heavy gray...that makes you want to put the car in the garage, bring the plants in, board up the windows, gather your candles…and huddle. My candles. I need my candles today. The ones who help me find me way through darkness and storms. This storm wasn’t in the forecast. So I don’t know how long it will last. I just have to wait and see. “I am tired and so wary. But I must go along…there will be peace in the valley for me. someday. Oh Lord I pray.” and no, I don’t expect my “peace-in-the-valley” to come in the life after death. I expect to experience that peace right here, on this earth, during this lifetime. I expect to experience that peace soon. Because this….cloud, dark and gray…can’t linger for long.
Where is everybody else’s strength? Their will to survive? I can’t do this FOR you. You have to want to live for yourself. You have to want to win this. There are some things I just can’t do for you. Where is your will? What have you done with it? Who did you give it to? Where is it?!
And yet, here I am. Trying to find ways to help you through this. Because when your will, your strength, your determination fails, then pull from mine. I am here. For you. because I NEED you to survive. for you. I need you to need life. I need you to have such a strong, loving desire for life, that living becomes your only option. And so, I hear you calling out. and I am answering. Allow my tears -in addition to your own- to be the rain that washes your soul. We’ll get through this. You will get through this. This heavy cloud, is not our storm. It’s simply passing showers; even though it looks so scary. I’ll huddle with you. Flashlight in hand. Better yet, I’ll be your candle.