You simply aren’t allowed to use THAT word. Simple

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my truth

I swear, sometimes I wish I could walk around with my halo -bright like the sun
with the light of GAWDT just shining through me
speaking like a true oracle of GAWDT (that’s just how it has to be said in this moment. dramatically.)
looking at people and seeing who they really are
feeling just what they are feeling in that moment
knowing their struggles without them saying a word
then imparting/depositing great words of encouragement in their spirits.
then continue gliding through my day.

and then there are days like this:
where the last thing I want to hear is a gospel song
where I’m glad I prayed in days past
because today, I just don’t have it

today I need a lot of Kymani Marley and his brother Steven
I need to hear Chronixx put in poetry the chaos of the land, and then tell how we’re stronger than that
today I need a little Machel Montano and Shurwayne Winchester
I need Kelissa to remind me that I “got keep my head up“… as I go “one step further each and every day“.

I don’t want to find a defect….anywhere.
not today
I’m done giving instructions and directions
for the day
I’m setting aside my worries/concerns
until tomorrow -maybe.
I don’t want to deal with text messages or phone calls
right now

today I just need some soca. and reggae. and

inner peace.

reggae

 

SMILE

I don’t know how many times I’ve had someone tell me that they like/love my smile. Or that my smile makes them happy. Or that my smile made them feel so welcomed in a room/setting that would have otherwise made them nervous. 

What they don’t know is that I’m SO self-conscious about my smile. You see, time and age (and amazingly enough, pregnancy) have sent me running to the dentist many times over the past few years. And my thought process is, if it’s causing me this much pain, then EXTRACT IT! There have been a couple times where my dentist told me “nope. Not pulling that one. A root canal will do.” Wisdom teeth? EXTRACT.  Anyways, there was one off on the back-side that had to go. I just simply refused to deal or to save it. Thing is, its not far enough in the back to be hidden when I smile. She pulled it, I got relief, I was happy. But suddenly I wouldn’t smile as big as I used to. I’d smile in a way that would hide that flaw. 

I remember soon after it got extracted my friend/work-husband came and sat at my desk and as we were catching up he said “you don’t have to hide your smile. It’s not taking anything from you.”  I simply said “yea….I’m not ready.”

The funny thing is, it is during moments of my BIG SMILE that people are drawn to me. In those moments people let down their walls and smile back.  Conversations begin. Friendships bloom.  “I love your smile!” Huh? What? No way! Do they not see this gap off on the back-side??? Or even funnier, I get the compliments on days when I’m not even aware of how big my smile is. Those days when I feel I’m just going through the motions.

One young lady told me “hey, I know we don’t run into each other often (we work on the same floor but different departments) but I want you to know that seeing you makes me happy. You are always smiling and so cheerful.”  I said “girl you just made my entire morning.” Because that morning I  knew I simply needed to get through the day. There was just so much going on…

But maybe that’s it. Maybe what I see as my flaw isn’t even an issue.  The fact is smiling helps (there’s scientific evidence of this).  It helps you and it helps others. 

Moral of the story is: Smile. Smile often.

Be Love. 

Be Loved.

P.S. “Smile” is my favorite Kirk Franklin song but I’ve never seen the video for it until now. I giggled the whole way through. Please enjoy

Stand

Your religious preferences don’t matter in this moment.  No matter who you are, where you are, at some point or other you have been, will be, or currently are in a situation where you just. Don’t. Know. 

There’s a time to fuss, argue, disagree, call foolishness what it is, scream, protest….then there’s a time to stand.

Stand still.

Stand in the face of what you fear.

Get up from your chair and stand.

Get up from your metaphorical seat and stand for something. 

Stand in protest.

Stand.

So listen to this song.  Be encouraged.  Don’t give up. As my sister said “every day you’re on this side of the earth -as opposed to six feet under- is a good day.” 

Be Love.

Be Loved.

“Stand” by Daryl Coley, Marvin Sapp and Helen Baylor

In this moment…

I’m lost.

Elaborate? Nope. It’s too much. It feels like a lot. Of course in comparison to what so many others are experiencing, I’m “living in the f-ing lap of luxury” (hip hop throwback). But I can’t focus on all that…right now what I see…what I feel…is

Lost.

I just watched the season finale of “Insecure” (finally) and it ended with me thinking “what?! …what’s she doing? What’s happening?!”  Then I closed my eyes and realized that I really don’t care about how the show ended. My feeling lost in this moment is based on me. I’m lost. 

Aren’t I too damn old to feel like this???

I can see the big plans coming through. That’s no problem. It’s the day to day stuff…that got me calling out bs with car companies during the day and screaming at Internet providers at night.  I’m lost. 

I’m tired as hell.  Gonna go to sleep. When I wake up I’ll have great epiphanies on how to proceed.

I think there’s something wrong with my phone cause it’s telling me it’s 2:30a.m but it just can’t be correct….

Darkness and brokenness in the aftermath

So I’m driving in Altamonte Springs yesterday and as I sat at a traffic light I look across at a stretch of land…nothing but trees. At first glance you think things look normal. However, as I looked more closely I realized there was so much brokenness. Trees that looked like they were standing strong were simply leaning on others.

Later on I decided to drive through my parents’ neighborhood to see if the electricity was back on yet. Out on the main road, well lighted. The side street that led into the subdivision, well lighted. As I approached the circle….Darkness. Deep, thick, heavy darkness. It was like there was no moon/stars to help out. We have our parents with us, in a neighboring city where they wouldn’t have to deal with the darkness and heat. But as I exited the neighborhood I wondered about those that HAD to deal with it. Those who didn’t have family to say “pack your things, we’re coming to get you…you’re not staying there in the darkness and heat…”

My heart broke… I wanted to put on my cape and go door to door and ask what everyone needed. But over the past few days, each time I asked a different person going through this “what can I do? What do you need?” The answers were always the same: You can call Duke Energy and cuss them out…we’re o.k. Its just so hot…”

I drove home listening to reggae and soca…trying to avoid diving into the sadness I was leaving behind. As I drove, thinking and reflecting and being grateful, the skies looked like the heavens were having their own party and their disco ball was in full swing. Normally I would think, it must be storming somewhere…but last night in the midst of the deep darkness and chaos, the heavens were having a party.

All this got me to thinking how this is exactly what life is like for so many people now, stretching from Key West to Houston to parts of Georgia in the aftermath of the hurricanes. On the outskirts, things seem normal. But when you look closer, when you get closer, you see there is SO MUCH BROKENNESS. and in the middle of a well lighted city, there is deep darkness and heat an worry..

Going even deeper, this is exactly what life is like for so many people on a daily basis. Minus natural disasters, you see what appears to be normal people…but when you get closer, when you look harder, when you open your heart bigger, you realize there is so much sadness and brokenness and darkness that people are simply dealing with.

There is darkness and brokenness in the aftermath of Harvey and Irma, and loss and loneliness…

But don’t give up. And don’t master the art of pretense. You’re not alone. There is hope. There is help.

HE IS…

God is OMNISCIENT. Meaning He possess OMNISCIENCE: total knowledge.

Omni-SCIENCE. HE IS what they’ve been trying to figure out. Why do they continuously try to separate the two?

HE IS medical

HE IS technology

HE IS communications

HE IS law/justice

The other planets exist because HE IS extravagant. Yep, GOD IS extra. He could have stopped at earth, but why do that??? The green aliens with the big dark eyes, or Transformers: if they exists it’s because He made them.

GOD IS TOTAL SCIENCE

GOD IS SPIRIT

GOD IS CHURCH

GOD IS STATE

there should be no “separation of…”

HE IS ALL OF IT

I always heard that word pronounced as omni-she-ence. And therefore always read it as that. But this morning I saw it for what it is: omniSCIENCE. and it hit me.  They make science seem evil. Like it’s opposite of God. But that’s just not true. If HE IS total science, complete knowledge,  how can it be evil?

Nothing about Him is evil.

The planets align because of Him.

The moon crosses paths with the sun ever so often and creates extravagant beauty because of Him.

HE IS ALL OF IT.

The science that you study is not evil. You are simply learning another aspect God.

Proverbs 8:17 says “I love those who love me, and those who diligently seek me will find me.”

So seek. Search. Research. And when you find, know that you are finding out more about who HE IS.

God is