I needed this…

Hotel room all to myself just because: check

Top floor room all the way from “the noise” of it all: check. (How did he know that’s what I needed? Maybe I just looked like I wanted to be left alone).

Bottle of Bailey’s Chocolate Cherry: check (girl at the store said me getting carded was a compliment cause I “don’t look over 30”. This kid totally made my day)

A brand new glass cause I refuse to drink my Bailey’s out of one of these plastic cups: check

Pizza and spicy wings: check

Cable TV: ckeck

Back to back to back episodes of “Insecure”: check

I needed this. This one night away. From it all. The noise.  No explanation why I needed this night.  No excuses why. No justifications. I’m not here for any of that. All I know is I needed this.  Hell, I might even try watching Game of Thrones  (if I’m awake)

This moment. This entire night. 

Just sit for a while

So,

I saw the clouds get dark. It was 5pm so I exchanged the last few words for the day with my boss, said goodbye, put my laptop away, grabbed my things and headed down. Well, I get to the first floor and UGH! It’s pouring!  Well, no worries. It’s Florida rain. It won’t last long.  A few minutes and I’ll be able to walk to my car in the sunshine. 

No

Such

Thing.

I’ve been sitting here for an hour and it’s only gotten worse. This isnt just passing showers. Whatever this is looks like it should be named…. “Tropical Storm Donald” (yep. on purpose).  Not dangerous like a hurricane or tornado. But bad enough for you to hesitate about dealing with it. So you sit and wait it out….. I digress

Sigh.

I’m not anxious or worried.  I see this as an opportunity to just sit. And write. 

The lobby is getting full now…people who planned on just running to their cars and just carrying on with their evening plans are now conversing -by will or by force. 

And it’s getting no better.

Sidenote: I still get so tickled seeing these grown men in their business attire, with a backpack on. 

Well, it finally eased up. Gonna go stroll to my car before it kicks up again. 

A Happy Birthday

There is so much power in the spoken word. I believe it because I’ve lived it so many times. 

My family and friends asked “what do you want to do for your birthday?” I answered everytime with “nothing. I want to do nothing except sit on my sofa in comfortable pjs watch movies and eat pizza. That’s it.” Don’t want to go out to dinner. Didn’t want cake. Don’t necessarily want everyone over. I just wanted to sit and be quiet.  Well I got my birthday wish. Not exactly how I thought. But it happened nonetheless.

I spent my birthday on a sofa with my family, laughing and talking and watching tv. 

Except this sofa was in a hospital room next to a hospital bed that my father laid in.   The day before as he laid waiting for the doctor to arrive, as I cleaned his face and his hands, I told him “dad you’re making this a habit…a yearly thing now…”  he just chuckled.  We were there. My mom, me, a couple of my siblings…the aces. You know, the ones. The team. We were there. And as we sat talking and laughing then too, I said “daddy, you’re messing up my birthday” and he said “I know it baby” but he really wasn’t.  This birthday went exactly the way it was supposed to. The sweetest nurses and techs. The doctors were alright… but the right specialist/surgeon came his way. We held hands and prayed each night before we walked away and the nurse joined our circle of prayer on the second night. We did shift-change like we were on staff cause as as amazing as the nurses and techs were, none of them could sit with just him. He wasn’t their only priority there. But he was ours. 

So my birthday came and I was so tired, but I woke up to my mom and kids in the house because I took my mom home with me the night before. We didn’t want her home by herself.  My birthday started with the woman who gave me life and the daughters that I gave life to. That was a Great way to start my day. Then later I got to sit on a sofa with my family -including my kids, cause they needed to see their grandpa and just seeing them was medicine enough for him- and laugh and talk and watch tv…and even though my day ended with my toddler throwing up in the car on our way home -I didn’t let that bother me either because I watched her dance and sing “Happy Happy Woo!” (her rendition of happy birthday) all day and eat a little of everything until her little stomach gave up…and I closed my evening bathing her and washing the entire carseat system and cleaning the backseat of the car….seeing all this now, man, that was a long weekend!!! Yet, I have no regrets. No sadness.  My dad is back home. In his own bed. Next to his very own wife/nurse/caregiver. And….

 Dear God, I thank you for seeing my dad through this another scary moment and for strategically placing the right people in the right places at the right time ….from the EMTs who transported him to the hospital to the every hospital staff member who tended to him… and for this amazing family that I’m a part of.  And God I thank You for not taking my dad from us.

This was truly one of the best birthdays ever. 

Dear God

It’s Sunday morning and I’m laying here with my toddler fast asleep in my arms. Her tiny hand resting peacefully on my neck. She’s breathing ever so deep and soft. I love her. I love this moment. I thank You.

I didn’t go to church this morning because I didn’t want to. I rather allow her this time. I rather allow myself this time. Monday to Friday is a rush. You blessed me with a job/career. You blessed me with two amazing kids to care for. You blessed me with wisdom in how to manage employment and parenthood. I thank You.

I could have gotten them up and did the Sunday morning rush. Got to church. Stay for an hour. Go through the required/expected meet and greet after….but I really didn’t want to. The house is totally quiet. No tv. No radio. No voices. Just the sweet peaceful sound of my baby sleeping and the ceiling fan. I thank You.

So even though I didn’t give in to the Sunday morning ritual, please accept this moment of quiet thankfulness. It is a beautiful morning. I thank You. My children are safe and healthy. I thank You. My parents are alive and well. I thank You. My siblings and their families are employed and provided for. I thank You. My two amazing sistercousins are blessed in the way You know they needed. I thank You. When the kids wake up, there’s breakfast for them. I thank You. After that we’ll go grocery shopping. I thank You. This evening we’ll meet up with family for dinner. I thank You.

For these things today and all that You continue to do on our behalf, GOD, I thank You.

Reblog: STUDY: Light-Skin Blacks Preferred Over Dark-Skin Ones — News One

As much as we would prefer not to discuss it, skin tone complications of the past still afflict the psyche of present-day America, according to a 2011 study that found people of mixed race are placed below Whites socially, but ahead of Blacks. To be sure, the findings do not isolate the issue to the Black…

via STUDY: Light-Skin Blacks Preferred Over Dark-Skin Ones — News One

when your love is an exception to the rules

she was told “it’ll never work…he’s not the one for you….it won’t last long…I give it 6 months tops.

according to the stars, her sign and his were not compatible at all. Zodiac readings were not very encouraging.

and yet it happened.  they loved so hard and so deep that years later they knew….

it worked.  he was the one for her. she was his safe haven. it lasted for many years. 6 months was simply the beginning.

she gave him her all.  they fought to stay alive. together. beyond the physical, beyond what people saw, there was a spiritual connection between them both that never compared to others. she knew him. felt him. they breathed each other. she knew when something was wrong even without seeing/speaking to him.  she knew his truths and he knew hers.

the stars said “no. not a good match” yet he reached beyond them and planted heaven inside her.

he loved her deep.  deeper than anyone ever understood.  “how can you still remain friends? …after all this?” because their love surpassed their own understanding.

he went deep…into her…deeper than he could understand…deeper than she realized.

he went through hell, hurt, so much sadness. and in the midst of that, she was still able offer him love. smiles. laughter. comfort. peace.

she was his escape.  he was her safety.

years later, they look back and wonder how…

the answer is simple:

their love was an exception to the rules.