…when you were praying for me. an oracle or someone of the sort told me once: “one of the great-grandmothers…maternal lineage…she prayed for you long ago…blocked some things on your behalf.” So, from my heart to yours, thank you. Thank you for looking ahead and thinking of me and mine. Thank you for having that divine connection…to know that you needed to do that for me.
…when you were your younger self. lesser children. maybe one. were you happy then? did you dance? ….you were never my favorite. you felt distant. I never really connected with you. never really gravitated toward you. never felt the urge to sit and talk with you….I don’t know why. you were never open…free…willing to talk…willing to listen. I just couldn’t. I wish it were different. because just following our family grapevine news/history, I’ve come to realize that your story was deep. your experiences were …… different. the start of a snowball effect of strength and power and strength and independence and STRENGTH and STRENGTH and STRENGTH. I wish I truly knew you. understood why you were so stern…mean… understood why I hardly ever saw you smile. understand why I will never forget your laugh. that laugh that I still hear through my mom. I wish we connected….
Poppa. you were the best. fearless. I adored you. you were…. a true leader. the people in the community looked up to you. the day you died was the day I fell apart. crumbled for days. because you. were. gone. I would never get to feel your soft hair again. I would never get to follow you around the yard again. Stand next to you as you stood outside the kitchen. feel that amazing sense of safety (which I didn’t realize that’s what I was feeling at the time). hear your voice thunder as you called for one of the boys to do something. give instructions and see them hauling tail to get to where you were and then see them hurry to complete the task at hand. I thank you for being such greatness in my life. in my memories. I wish I had more time with you. Yet, I’m so grateful for the time we shared.
Mom…. There isn’t enough time. space. words. to express my forever gratitude to you. my forever gratitude for you. for your existence. your presence. your truth. your independence. your strength. your ambition. your determination. your strength. your persistence. your drive. your strength. your guidance. your direction. your strength. your instructions. your intelligence. your strength. your voice. your song. your strength. your fervent prayers. your spiritual sight. your help. your strength. your pain. your tears. your strength. your forgiveness. your strength. your love. YOUR STRENGTH. Oh, to be like you: peaceful. POWERFUL. STRONG. I’m glad God chose YOU for me. I can never imagine anyone else. I love you. Forever.
To my ancestors: great-grandmothers, grandma and poppa. I wish…….. but even though I didn’t….. I thank you for my mom. I may not have known you all well, well-enough, or at all, but I believe that my mother is who she is because of you. and so I thank you for her. For My MOTHER.